My Immortal is a Harry Potter fan fiction written in 2007. The story follows the author, Tara Gilesbie’s original character Ebony Dark’ness Dementia Raven Way, a 17 year old “goffik” vampire going to Hogwarts School of Witch Craft and Wizardry. That’s about it, the story has no real discernible plot, things just sort of happen, like there’s a part early on where Ebony goes on a date with Draco Malfoy to see Good Charlotte and My Chemical Romance at Hoggsmeade, where they fall in love, later going to the forbidden forest to have sex, which is described in the story as him “putting his boy thingie in [her] you know what [and] they did it for the first time”, but their coitus is interrupted by Dumbledore, who screams at them, “WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING YOU MOTHERFUCKERS!!!!!”, now you might be thinking to yourself, “wow, that seems pretty out of character for Dumbledore”, and you’d be right, but the author awares us that he only swore because he had a headache.
At about this point, you’re probably realizing that this fan-fiction is not actually good, and you would be right, dear reader. In fact this is often regarded as the worst fan-fiction ever written, but why is it the worst? Well to give a short list, it has awful two dimensional characters that always act nothing like they do in the original novels, most of them are sorted into the factions of Satanists/Goths or Preps, it has awful prose practically written in early 2000’s text speech, impossible to comprehend plot lines, the main character is a blatant Mary Sue with everything that happens to her being poorly veiled wish fulfillment, and in my opinion the worst sin this fan fiction commits is that every single time a character comes on screen, we know exactly what they’re wearing, from their head to their toes, down to what kind of makeup they’re wearing. This last one probably sounds innocuous, but believe you me, it is grueling after 44 chapters.
Essentially this story uses every single trope that can make a fan fiction terrible, but it almost seems too good to be true, like there’s no way that it could be real, like there’s a part where Voldemort gives Ebony a gun to shoot Harry Potter (who now goes by Vampire Potter), and a part where “Morty McFli” shows up with his “blak tim machine” to take Ebony back to the future. So this must be a piece of satire on bad fan fictions right?
Well, I honestly don’t know.
I personally think that it was written with legitimate intent because, for one this thing is 104 pages long, and there’s too much of a paper trail connected to the author, with several other accounts on websites, and honestly My Immortal is way too complicated to fake, there’s no way I could ever sit down and write something as astoundingly bad and hilarious as this. I think of it as a movie that’s so bad its funny, you can tell when a movie was made to be bad, they stick out like a sore thumb, and they’re nowhere near as enjoyable as the genuine article.
At the end of the day though, we will never know whether or not My Immortal was written legitimately or as satire mocking fan fictions as a whole, but despite this it remains as possibly the funniest thing on the internet, and a monument to how for we’ve come since 2007. Please read it.